How to Spot the Female Hustle (Story included)

gold digger2


I’D LIKE YOU TO MEET THE AVERAGE GOLD-DIGGER; let’s give her the name Midas, a name you might come across whilst starring at a silver pole being caressed by a body of flesh wearing Lucite heels. On the surface she seems sincere, wholesome with a touch of class and tact. Midas will tell you things that will make you weak. She can make you believe you are the only one. She will steal your heart with just one wink.

However, if you look closely, behind her steely blues is a stare of a thousand yards; a soul that has circled the drain more than once. Behind every kiss is a hopeless pout, and beneath every breath is a rasp of deceit. Midas’s agenda is a politician’s wet-dream, and a gambler’s worst nightmare. She operates just like a slot machine giving you the hope that if you put enough time and money into her game you will hit the jackpot. She will hold you tight and won’t let go, she will make it last and put on the show. You are the victim of a snake-charmer.

Midas can be of any age, from any country and from any background. She can hide in any place of business or social dwelling waiting to pounce: An HR firm, a bar, University lecture hall, in a Denny’s booth, at a team-building conference, your local strip-club, or in your bed right now! Midas’s impulses are not purely survival in nature, the impulses are of the predatory variety. Midas is not a hooker, oh no, she is much smarter; at least she thinks so.

Men at a very early age learn how to lie. Midas had been screwed over so many times by these men that she decided that she would be the one to be doing all the screwing from then on out. Midas at a very young age had figured out how to manipulate guys. During High School she figured out how to persuade them to give her shiny trinkets, dinner dates, money, concert tickets, weed, alcohol, and even the hearts of the good ones. It was a power so strong it became an ingrained programed response to each and any potential male within a 100 yard radius. Her big weapon(s) where a mix of good genetics, soft vocals, the right clothes and a few moves she learned from Cosmo and the darkest corners of the internet.

When Midas came into her prime of female beauty (age 18-26) she found her powers to be the strongest she has ever experienced. She found herself being asked to go on overseas trips free of financial charge. Everything became gratis and was handed to her on a platter of “chivalry” as she always proclaimed: Concerts at the Greek Acropolis, daiquiris at any bar, Gucci and Prada sprees in Los Angeles, skiing in Switzerland.

Midas would stay with the hand that fed her only as long as the gravy train kept flowing the right way; in her direction. Once that stopped (all the attention and trinkets) so too did Midas. If she was as lucky as to cohabitate or marry one of the foolish males, she would then use one of society’s greatest economic tools; divorce. Divorce is an economic driver in that it exists for the sole purpose of wealth transfer. Midas, being the clever one, knew that the divorce laws today favour her and her kind to the extreme; in where half of a man’s asset’s can be her’s if she screamed “I am Unhappy!” at any point in a relationship.

During her prime, Midas grew so powerful that even the most mentally strong of males couldn’t see through her agenda past her perfect hour-glass figure, symmetrical facial features and voice that could make even an 80 yr old with erectile dysfunction feel the tingle of lust in his once useless appendage.

Some of Midas’s highest demands to her male victims came during the talk of marriage with said victim:

Midas always demanded to be proposed to no later than three years after being with a man.

She demanded to be reduced to tears during the proposal.

She demanded that the ring cost no less than $10,000 with a white gold band and impressive diamond that could blind even a person with a visual impairment.

She demanded to be serenaded by song via flash mob or other grand gesture.

Even if the man fulfilled all the above requirements, Midas would still divorce them within a year on claims of “unhappiness” or that he “didn’t fold his underwear properly”: no fault divorce.

As the years moved forward however, Midas started to notice that less and fewer men were being drawn into her hypnotic trance; her con. Something was changing, and it was Midas. Midas’s skin started to become less tight, her breasts less firm, her voice less soft, her ass more flabby, her love handles more “lovable”. Her face began to look like an old catches mitt from all the tanning and sunburns gained on all the vacations and trips she had been given. Soon enough, word had got around from all the men she had destroyed, exposing her true nature to other men since the spell and trance had been broken. Midas grew weaker and soon her life blood, her looks, escaped her body faster than it took to escape all the men after the divorce papers were signed. 

Midas thought she had it all, she thought she was smarter than the rest. What Midas didn’t realize was that money runs out eventually if you don’t have any investments. Midas never saved, she always spent. Spent all the money she was given on jewellery, beauty products, Lululemon pants, and drugs to mask the pain and make her feel happy again. Midas always depended on the wealth of others to get her by in life but never figured out how to survive on her own, how to manage money and what it is truly meant for. Money to Midas was disposable, just like the men to which she used. What Midas didn’t understand was that money is to be spent on things to which are of value and provide some sort of return on your investment. Without understanding this, Midas ended up bankrupt both in her soul and in her bank account. Was it all the fault of Midas? No. It was a combination of greed and men who encouraged this type of behaviour. However, this will continue until the sun blows up and earth is turned into virtual fireball of death and destruction. So until then we must continue the cautionary tale of Midas.

So, whereas Midas had a list of demands, so should you. However, you are the one under assault and not on the offensive. Midas’s demands were in the form of assault weaponry onto the fortress of manhood; your castle, the walls of money and security to which you have earned. The Nazi’s had the best fighters, bombers and numbers; however, the Allies had better radar. This is like the Battle of Britain between you and a Midas type; and you will win with a radar system as outlined below. You don’t need demands however, you need a defence.


1. If your rich, appear as though you are poor as shit (Or at least flirt with the poverty-line in your appearances).

2. If she asks about your BMW, tell her it’s a rental.

3. If she makes a comment about your McMansion, tell her it’s your parents and you live in the basement.

4. If she wants a $10,000 ring, tell her she is priceless.

5. If she asks you to marry her, hand her a prenuptial agreement courtesy of the best Jewish lawyers in town.

6. If she withholds sex purposefully because you didn’t take her on that trip to Prague, tell her you have recently taken a vow of celibacy (have another girl on the side ASAP who wants your manly qualities).

7. Leave small wads of $5 and $10 Bills around your house and see if they “disappear” (A rat always takes the cheese)

8. If she asks about your political views on the economy, say you are a Socialist and believe in a minimalist life-style.

9. If she asks to share banking passwords, tell her you don’t keep money in the bank.(You keep a few grand in a vault at your house and you have the rest in your parents account to avoid taxes and Gold-Diggers)

10. Always have an apartment or house that you live and sleep in alone as to avoid Divorce and Co-habitation laws.

*If she leaves you for any of these reasons (or if she especially falls for the #7 trap) then you my friend have found a Gold-Digger; and possibly a seasoned thief who should be reported to the proper authorities immediately.

Whereas the Midas-type will use her looks, body and words to bomb and shatter the Will of your Kingdom, you like the British, must camouflage your defence in order to see who is friend or foe.

Money and time are the most precious things to a man. Time is used to make money, and money is used to build a financial castle around yourself, to protect you from all the vultures who wish to take what they assume they are entitled too. Money is security; it can buy you lawyers to shield you from those who wish to suck and drain your coin-bag. Money is mobility; once you have it you are pretty much in control of where you go and what you can do. Time, however, exposes all; it ages wine and whiskey to make it taste better. Men age like fine wine, their value only goes up with age. They may not mature as fast as Midas during high school; however, in the long run they win. What Midas fails to understand is that beauty is a diminishing asset, her game will ultimately dry up and there will be no players left to con.

Remember, like a troll, the only way to stop it, is to stop feeding it.

Don’t feed the Midas’s of the world.


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